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Facebook fer Vagabonds

October 8, 2012

Wanna Facebook me?

Hay Ya’awl!  Sorry I taint ben around much ta write, but I’m still busy dealin with that pesky Floriday varmint problem an all those related woosy critters that likta feed and cover varmints up.  Won’t be long now tho, cuz I found what they call a Speciul Exterminatiun Firm.  Why, it’s as speciul as the governmint soes liek the IRS, DHS-NIA-FIB via the CIA, and evun HOCUS and POTUS hisself, it douwn’t need a name ta know what it is.  Seems most people already knowed the ACLU takes a speciul intrist in the peskiest uv varmint problems, evun fer Vagabonds. They shore tooka intrisit in mine right quick.  That old ACLU musta also knowed my Grampa evun way back in the glory farmin daze cuz he usta say the same thang they jist told me. 

Varmints douwn’t pay attentiun ta fencelines.  If’n ya douwn’t exterminate em quick, purdee soon they be tramplin down all sortsa fences an gittin inta everyones garden till thare taint any gardens left.  When that happens, neighbors start bein suspicious uv the other neighbor fer causin the varmint infestatiun,  lose all thare Civilitee an argue abouw’t whose Right.  These fellers wanta step in ta reaffirm everyones Right soes ta avoid an all ouwt blamin Varmint fight.  But that ain’t what I’m hear ta write abouwt.  This is abouw’t how ta Facebook when ewe is a Vagabond……


DeeAnna Belle a thinkin…

Now I already told ya Vagabonds jist hafta dew with less, soes ya prolly already knowed most uv my friends douwn’t have computers an still liekta socialize, but it’s evun more complexin than that.  See back when Markie Mark was jist an ordinary underwear salesman, evun most Vagabonds had doors ta come ta knockin, soes it was easy fer him ta show his wares soes he had no problem gettin dates.  Now that most Vagabonds douwn’t have regular homes let alone doors, Markie Mark has noWhare ta knock soes ya kinda hafta finda sign and alternatives, liek this feller Fred Meyer did hare puttin up this sign an door inta the bushes. 

When I aisked DeeAnna Belle (my Sister was named DeBoreAh AnnaBelly soes pardon if I gits the spellin wrong hare) if’n she has a computer an if’n she knows who Markie Mark Wally Zuckerberg and Facebook is, she looked at me kinda funny and hadta think about it fer a spell.

DeeAnna Belle remembering….

When I helped her recollect abit and told her he usta jist be knowed as plain ole Markie Mark the door ta door Underwear salesman showin his wares without a Facebook, she shore remembered, and shore got purdee excited ta start tellin me her storee.  Why, wood’unt ya knowed it?  Not only did she remember, but she had dun met him when he came a knockin at her door!  She pointed to whare that was, and then it dawned on me that maybe she hadn’t really met, but jist saw his picture alot and not from her door.

She was seeing Markie Mark on the billboards from her cubby hole.  A few years back, when another of those initials only agencies, the FDA revved up it’s business arm, and warmed up to letting the drug companies regulate themselves while also allowing the HMOs to deregulate themselves,  Anna Belle had a home, and a door, and watched TV during the evening news.  noOne wondered abouwt the wunder drugs then and on her Doctors given advice by the newly deregulated HMO, started managing her own schizophrenia regimine.

By the time the ads switched from Doctors paid by the Drug Companies during the evening news, to Lawyers suing the Drug Companies during the Late Late show, DeeAnna Belle was out of money, out of her HMO, and sleeping hare without a TV so doesn’t git ta see the Late Late show commercials.

If you happen upon a DeeAnna Belle or any Anna fer that matter in your wonderings, stop and say hello and see if’n Ewe cain’t bring a memory to mind of her preVagabond years as well as maybe a smile to her face.  If you happen to be Markie Mark, help me get all the Mary Annas, Bellas, and Mary Jane Does or any uther Doe ewe maya happened upon when Ewe was sellin Underwear soes their storees could git out thare too.  I’d shore appreciate it.  Also, what was it really like, selling all those door to door pairs of Underwear?  The world, (at least mine 🙂 really wants to know.
Vagabond Ted

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