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Happy Birthin day Week

October 9, 2012
Hay Ya’Awl,

Little One hare is celebratin her 15th birthin day week soes I thought I’d write her storee instead uv
I Love it Here, Dad!
somone else’s taday.  She’s a country dawg thru an thru and with country dawgs, sumtimes ya jist douw’nt know fer shore when the litre is da’livered.  They’re kinda private when it comes ta birthin and evun fer a few days after fer that matter.  See they, liek anything country, liek their privacy.  Speciully when da’liverin, and also sumtime afterwards ta git the kids all licked and slicked up bafore they show ’em off to those two-legged characters.  Knot that I raised her Mother er anything, and I dew got her papers somewhare round hare, but I jist don’t recollect the farm gal that did raise her mother knowin fer shore neither, cause it jist ain’t that important.  Within a week er two is close enuf and Little One’s never mentioned it bothers her at’tall. 

Rip Buddy,
Justice  will be served.
She’s purdee arthritic these days soes we tend ta stay close ta home.  Basides, we douw’nt really have noBody ar’ound ta celebrate with.  Ya douw’nt exactly meet yer neighbors in these temporary, don’t tell noBody shelters, and my old friends and relatives tain’t a talkin ta me straight since some uv ’em conspired ta murder her brother last year fer his surprise birthin day week pardee.  I shore wish they would’ve jist talked ta me instead uv throwin him in front uv a truck fer a surprise liek that.  Me an the ole gal hare shore dew miss him.

Little One’s had jist abouwt as guud a life as a dawg kin have.  Fer the first 13 years she got ta bee Queene uv a reel castle and kingdom in the woods on a lake with plenty uv loyal subjects and serfs of awl kinds that worshiped her every day.  As soon as she got ouwt the door an ran around attemptin ta round ’em all up ta remind ’em ta worship her that is.  They all kneowed it anyways, they jist didn’t want ta be reminded so much.  That and they saw that when she did catch one uv their couzins in a reminder hug an kiss, why they was never quite the same after.  After a reel guud hug, most ‘uv em could never bring themselves ta talk abouwt anythang again.  The only ones who did talk back were the gaggles uv geese and she never actually got close enuf ta hug one uv them.  She found ouwt purdee quick geese don’t liek ta be hugged and she also didn’t liek how fast they are with their greetin and pokin that stick in yer eye.

The only one who she ever did get ta hug who still talks abouwt it is that ole raccoon who invited her off the dock fer a mud wrestlin match that day.  He still grumbles and aches because he thought he was winning when he was on top uv her dunkin her head in the mud when I called the match, but I saw the scars and bleedin from whare she took a good chunk uv tax otta his hide.  He shoulda thanked me fer callun it instead uv lumberin away growlin.  I knowed she wooda won eventally and then he wood’unt a been able to taulk about it at’tall.

Lookin back, which I douw’nt normully liek ta dew, she prolly wooda been happier if’n we had kept that castle on a lake, but it was jist time fer this old Vagabond ta move on.  Had I knowed some uv my kin fouwk and friends were such busy bodies and so jealous uv my new found freedom, that they’d conspire way out thare in Portland with my new landlord of a shack owner, and that they’d hire that couch infestatiun feller ta infest my couch and assassinate Blue, I shore wooda stayed at the castle.  Had I knowed they were’nt my really friends at’tall and wanted ta pick a fight instead, that wooda been the place ta fight from.  I still had plenty of burying space left in the woods, and I wooda been happy ta digg reel nice holes fer all of them, speciully that narcissistic leach uv a Curtis feller.  Ida dug a reel nice and extra deep hole fer him!  With sum critters, especiully Vermin, ya jist wanna make shore ya leave ’em in a place whare they kin never crawl back frum again!  Guess that’s why I douw’nt liek ta look back.  Jist really riles up that pit in yer stomach, and leaves ya reel hurt that ya cain’t evun celebrate Little One’s birthin day week.

Food ALWAYS tastes better Outside!
If’n ya dew happen ta be a new neighbor rollin yer haulin cart by and see my door cracked up abit, give a ping and stop an say hi.  Little One wood luv ta have her tail waggin ta thank ya fer her birthin week petting, and I did git some snacks an beverages ta hold us over while we’re stayin hare.  Don’t worry yerself nun, it’s legal and all cause I had that lawyerly feller look thru the contract with the 24 hour access.  It don’t say nuthin bout how long ewe kin visit when yer moving stuff in and otta hare.  Only thing I’d advise is ta make shore ewe gotta plastic releavin bottle.  If ya drop yer glass one on the cement, thare taint no floor drains around to catch it and it shore is hard ta git rid uv that speciul aroma.

LOL! I’m how old??
Vagabond Ted

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