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Fresh Air Rotatiun

January 19, 2013

Hay Ya’awl,

Recycled Picture holdin one uv
Our Recycled Signs.

Hare I am a thinkin I’m dewin a purdee good job uv stickin with my commitmint frum the last storee fer the new year an tryin ta dew a bedder job uv knot leavin the important things sittin bahind the last minute.  Wa’ell wasn’t I in fer a shocker uv a surprise when that old fandangled electronamatic alarm wint off in my car, ta ramind me I had plum fergot and completely leftBahind that thare regular vehicle winterization maintenance ewe’awl hafta dew.

Ah shucks.  I fergot ta include the background storee soes Ewe’awl kin git the jist uv the reel storee.  So here it tis…. the background….

Now knot all that recently long ago, the U.S.DOT.Corp. UV Usually Idle EngineNears in charge uv all them thare non-informatiun super expressways, finally got tagether enuf, ta git around ta gittin a non-sensus consensed, and approached us Vagabonds ta not voluntarily aisk us a mandatory favor…. 

They was concerned that these new super expressways that are so superly expressive they hafta put startin gate lights up fer all ewe drivers ta know when it’s yer turn ta start, if’n we could’unt jist please stand at those startin gate lights whare ewe’awl lineup fer the race ta wait, cuz it’s too dangerous fer a Vagabond ta be a wanderin upon and unexpectedly find himself on his untimely last wander. Instead, they was wunderin if instead uv us wanderin, if’n we couldn’t instead stand there ta encourage and support Ewe while Ewe is waitin ta enter that race with all its explitative drivers and dangers on our behalf, since Ewe’awl got the weather resistant conditioned equipmint, enuf gas, the comforable seats and the high tech, highly affective steerin controlled radio volume that allows Ewe ta survive all those other waiters waiting ta drive, and all their dangerously explitative warnings.

Since most uv us Vagabonds taint got nun uv that special equipment cept fer maybe a radio, we naturally said our mandatory yes, made our homeless-made, environmentally conscientious, signs out uv our biodegradable recycled cardboard bedrooms frum the night bafore, custom lettered them ta aisk fer support uv our favorite expressway driver entering the race, and obliged without objection the U.S.DeptdotDOTdot.DOT. Except this time, I hadta venture on down that super expressway in my car, so thare I was a’waitin ta start.

Ain’t got nuthin ta dew with the storee
but ain’t it a purdee picture?

Soes thare I was, finally finished waitin and upon that thare superly expressive highway that is so super and explitatively expressive that its too busy and dangerous fer Vagabonds ta typically hitch a ride upon, and past the spot of no Vagabond return.  Wa’ell wood’unt ya knowed it?  Instead uv expressin on down that superly expressive highway, thare I was stuck in miles and miles uv stuck traffic that was also stuck in their own miles and miles uv stuck traffic too, when that air rotatiun warnin light and shriek way above the radio alarm went off.  Not knowin whatsa Vagabond supposed ta dew when that shriekin alarm drowns ouwt the radio and that flashin dashboard starts blindin ya and ya caint see nuthin but miles and miles uv stuck traffic fer miles an miles, and bein well past the point of no Vagabond return, I patiently waited ta crawl upon the next exit and search fer an air rotatiun station.

Wa’ell, wood’unt ya jist uv knowed it again? I found a rotatiun station that took my dollar soes I could self-rotate bafore I noticed thare was no rotatiun gauge on the air rotatiun deevice. Wa’ell I tried ta guess which tire needed the air rotatiun moor than the uthers and filled em up as quick as I cuud bafore my dollar ran ouwt, turned the car back on ta see if I got enuf rotatin dun in the right tire ta git the screachin anda flashin ta stop, but I lost. Knot havin many dollars left ta allocate fer unexpected air rotatiuns in my Vagabond2013 budgit, I went inta the air rotatiun self service statiun ta see if’n I cuud borrow theirs. Now wood’unt ya jist knowed it again? After the lady looked at me kinda funny fer aiskin if I could borrow her self service rotatiun deevice, she told me curtly no, she did’unt have won I cuud borrow.

Wa’ell I looked around the case whare she said they’d bea hangin but they weren’t soes she helped ta look around and said nope, they don’t have nun at’tall. Now ewe’d a thunk a statiun that speciulizes in air rotatiun wuud have measurin deevices fer measurin the air, but when instead they got 15 kinds uv chap stick, 33 kinds a chewin gum, 27 brands uv energy drinks and energy containers disguised as emergency air canisters, I guess they douw’nt have room fer actual air rotatiun measurmint systems.  I got back in my still screachin and flashin vehicle, waited ta git back on the no-Vagabond super expressway, and started my crawl back along till the next exit.  Now I did’unt knowed it at the time, but thare was a reason I was sapposed ta take the next exit and thus why that rotatiun lady didn’t have no self-rotatiun air measuremint deevice.

Michael mannin Exit 22
Air Rotatiun Statiun

The next exit along that super expressway, well past the point uv no Vagabond return, was exit 22 which has a manned air rotatiun station.  Not only is it manned, why, it’s manned by a Vagabond named Michael.  Now I know, ewe’awl is a thinkin what’s a Vagabond doin way down thare at exit 22 well past the point uv no Vagabond return?  Wa’ell I was a wonderin too so as we took a break frum that superly expressive parkin lot and got us a dose uv some freshly rotatin air, I aisked Michael  whatsa Vagabond liek Ewe doin well past the point uv no Vagabond return, and he told me his storee…

Michael’s family and ancestors of his family had once owned all that land along that thare hillside and valley, includin the land underneath that thare superly expressive cement parkin lot called an Expressway by those EnginsNear, when the ancestors of those DOT.dots emminently wisdomed Michael’s ancestors inta givin up the grasslands fer that Superly Expressive parkin lot.  Now Michael’s ancestors got remininced a penny er two, but not very purdee, and moved from the grasslands upta the top uv their hills.  As the cement parkin lot attracted the businesses that are attracted ta the folks that wait on the cement, why the land up in them thare hills emminitely increased in value till evun a purdee penny wasn’t enuf ta pay the new taxes with.  By this time instead uv Michael’s ancestors sellin and a movin, Michael’s folks sold off bits and pieces ta folks that like ta sit on top uv hills that overlook the river beyond the cemented over grasslands, soes they could continue ta git enuf uv those purdee pennies ta pay the taxes.

Wa’ell all was fine and dandy and Michael and his wife and two kids were sittin thare one night on the last homestead in the original house moved up the hill, when one uv their new neighbor’s new attorneys brought over a deed that said the property line was right hare and not over thare.  Now Michael, who’s family never really had much use fer attorneys, did’unt knowed his Dad did’unt knowed east from west all that well when he signed that lawyerly deed.  That lawyerly feller threw Michael and his wife and those two kids right on off that thare hill.  So really in these days and ages, I guess thare isn’t no place that isn’t beyond the reach of no Vagabond’s return….

Soes if’n Ewe liked this storee (or evun if’n Ewe did’unt) and wantta help contribute alittle sumpthin ta help ease the burden uv this hare new Great Vagabond Calamity, the next time Ewe is waitin ta git on that superly expressive non-information highway,  or is stuck on that parkin lot close ta exit number twenty-two, remember kindly those two Vagabonds standin thare.  They really is thare fer the encouragement and ta help rotate yer air.  Heck, if that road is liek it twas the night I hadta venture down it, git off on exit number twenty-two, find Michael, and git a good dose of his freshly rotated air.  He’s a reel nice feller, easy ta talk to, and reel helpful makin sure Ewe and yer tires is refreshed and ready ta take on the dangers a’waitin down the road.

Vagabond Ted

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